Christopher Lincoln

Here is a bio written about me by one of my characters. He is much more clever than I am, so I thought I'd let him do the honors: A few noble words regarding this lowly scum by Sir Barkley Braggety Biglum, VI Before I begin this toilsome task, there is one thing I must establish straight up. I do not like this man--not at all, and never will. He's ever so low on the social ladder, you know. I also wonder why I wasn't asked to write about an infinitely more interesting and important person, such as myself. For example, I was born into great wealth in a towering manor overlooking the winding banks of the Codswattle River. This brutish lout was born in some boring hospital in Hartford Connecticut. I attended Oxford and majored in Market Manipulation and Skulduggery. This poor sod just went to art school at Syracuse University. Pish posh and ticky-tack, what a yawner. My first job, out of university, involved taking the reins of a large trust fund. According to my solicitors at Hack, Whack, and Plunder, his first job was as a loathsome boil (I believe he also did some animation, in Boston, to make ends meet). I moved quickly up the rungs of social acceptance, he moved to Minnesota and started a family. I plotted and planned and relieved my competitors of their fortunes. He switched careers to advertising and works for some company called Fallon Worldwide. Reports indicate that he works on the Nestle Purina business. While he squeezes writing into his schedule, I crush every penny out of my local tenants (it takes a small fortune to lay a banquet on my table every night, you know). By now it should be plain as potatoes. I'm far more interesting than this boring old trout. Perhaps he will invite me back sometime, and we can dispense with the boring bits that have anything to do with him. There's so much more to learn about my fabulous self. This is me again (not Sir Biglum). If you would like to see a trailer for Billy Bones: The Road to Nevermore, go here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8y6pX3rKNcA